After our friends left we headed back to Chandigarh since my parents had come. My maternal grandparents (Nanaji and Naniji) were getting ready to pack up and come back to the US due to their health. Since we had gotten back from Raid I felt unstable and highly sensitive. Emotionally all over the place and this really topped it for me. I couldn’t even speak to my family without my voice cracking. I had to squeak out to my Mom in every conversation “I can’t talk”. And once we said good bye to my parents, grandparents and their domestic help, and Mamaji I broke. Everyone was so loving and didn’t want to let me go. I don’t even have a clear picture in my mind of everyone since I was so blurry eyed. I cried most of the way to Sangrur with my sweet Mother-in-law hugging me the whole way. Everyone tried to make me laugh and cheer me up, I tried to laugh but I think I was way gone. I cried so much I gave myself a headache and slept for the last 40 minutes until we got home.
I woke up the next morning with swollen eyelids but feeling like I purged some of my sadness when I said goodbye. I feel better now, I get a bit choked up but I will see my family again. I feel like such a big baby! So lame! I’m happy my grandparents are in Houston, surrounded by their kids and grandkids but I can’t help but feel, home is where your family is? I have my home in the States but do I still have a home here in India?